Ceara Lynch: Mindfuckery

I just read this fascinating blog (“Mindfucking and Rejection Roleplay”) by Mistress Darcy. I’m only familiar with Mistress Darcy through her website; which is to say, I’m really not familiar with her at all. Nevertheless, her story struck a chord. You see, of my few fetishes, the “Princess Brat Becomes Femme Fatale” is perhaps the most alluring. That fetish is a jumble of paradox and riddles for me. I’m mature, intelligent, I dress-up well, am financially comfortable and retired from a career position in which power and authority were the norm. A young woman, a ‘Princess Brat’, though filled with potential, seldom has the authority, power, maturing, wisdom, or financial means that a man of my stature does. And yet …

And yet there is a sexual charge in having all that control, authority, and self-discipline teased away from me. There is power in youth. There is power in youth’s unbounded confidence. If wisdom and experience are born from the lessons of mistakes, then the ‘Princess Brat’, being young and without benefit of years of mistakes to learn from, lacks the wisdom and experience that tempers the actions of a more mature person. There is an appealing freshness … a ‘mental virginity’ of sorts … that, when coupled with the Princess’s awakening awareness of both the inherent weakness in men and her new-found power to exploit it, creates a dynamic of immeasurable possibilities. For the young Princess, the play is new and exciting. She is entering new territory. To suddenly and unexpectedly have control over what previously has been the stereotypical person of authority controlling her is arousing to watch. And even more arousing to be part of. There’s a dynamic not often discussed and seldom acknowledged. A dynamic in which a young emerging Domme/Femme Fatale learns, and is even mentored, by a more experienced, giving, and trusted submissive … a submissive who encourages the Princess Brat not only to experiment with that power, but is both a partner and playmate who provides constructive feedback and guidance to that less experienced Domme. It’s not so much “topping from the bottom” as it’s a relationship in which knowledge and power are exchanged for mutual benefit. Just being a small part of the process in which a woman’s power is unleashed … being part of the transition from “Young Girl” to “Princess Brat” to “Femme Fatale” … is wondrously satisfying.

Veronica Lake
Veronica Lake — Femme Fatale’

 

And I suppose that’s why Mistress Darcy’s blog resonated. Not because she’s a ‘Princess Brat’, but rather that her story is one of a Woman who has transitioned far beyond to become a skilled, imaginative Femme Fatale. Mistress Darcy’s insight and imaginative exploitation of her client’s self-image and characteristic male hubris (i.e., his weakness) are learned. The work and acting skills Mistress Darcy adopt and use to enable a role play session satisfying both her and her client are deliberate, polished, and targeted. The client is not so much misled by Mistress Darcy as by his own mindset. What he sees as the scenario unfolds is not role play at all. Rather, to him it’s a familiar well-traveled path where he is the seducer, the hunter – and Mistress Darcy is the the prey. It isn’t until later, when Mistress Darcy springs her trap that the sudden and unexpected role reversal is recognized by the client. It’s pure, unadulterated mindfuckery. And it’s magnificent.

Mistress Darcy is a professional Dominatrix. Her sessions are real time so they’re a full-dimensional sensory experience. The interaction between professional Domme and submissive client is dynamic, non-linear, instantaneous, and may easily diverge from script or plan. It takes a skilled, imaginative, thoughtful and experienced Domme to manage the session so as to deliver an experience for the submissive that will leave him begging for more. For the discerning or more self-aware experienced submissive, finding a Domme of Mistress Darcy’s caliber locally is often impossible. And any experience less is at best disappointing and at worse meaningless and a waste of time.

Enter Ceara Lynch.

Ceara Lynch offers a different Femme Fatale experience. It’s virtual not real time; for a client it’s more easily accessible (and often anonymous.) Done mainly through custom made video clips , the communication is simplex, the dynamic is linear. She doesn’t see the softening or hardening of client’s cock to help her gauge whether the client is having the sort of experience he wants. And yet ….

And yet Ceara Lynch manages to overcome these shortcomings in the medium to deliver a level of mindfuckery unrivaled among her peers. As with Mistress Darcy, her performance is deliberate, polished, and targeted. Getting out her own way and drawing upon years of experience, she divines the mind of her client, assesses his weaknesses, and exploits them. Her voice is her anvil, her image her hammer. And the poor client’s ego is pounded, made malleable, and finally bent into the shape and condition desired by the client.

As with Mistress Darcy’s blog role play session, Ceara Lynch’s most successful mind numbing scenarios often develop over an extended period of time. Successive clips, or even a series of several clips, are designed and produced to culminate in a royal mind fuck. Whether it’s five consecutive days of Tease and Denial, eight weeks of No Erections, or multiple hypnosis/mesmorize sessions, there is a consistency in Ceara’s clips – she deliberately gets inside the client’s decision timeline in order to control both the tempo and intensity of the experience. It’s masterful, even artistic. And it’s done with little or no instantaneous feedback from the client. Yet the client’s find it sufficiently satisfying as to return … again and again … for more.

Over the years, I’ve watched Ceara Lynch transition from ‘Brat Princess’ to ‘Femme Fatale.’ Like Mistress Darcy, she has learned to recognize and exploit weaknesses in the male psyche in order to deliver an experience that leaves clients wanting more. It’s work, it’s experience, and it’s imagination. Though they use different means and methods, it’s clear that both Mistress Darcy and Ceara Lynch take ‘mindfucking and rejection’ to new and unparalleled places in the minds of man.

A Run Ashore

(Note:  This blog isn’t about Ceara Lynch.  Rather, it’s a story about my first visit to the city in which Ceara lives.  I think it’s an amusing story.  Maybe even sort of entertaining.  But it’s not about Ceara.  Just sayin’.)

We had just pulled up under the Burnside bridge. After 6 weeks of battling winter weather in the Gulf of Alaska, the old ship somehow made it safely up the Columbia River and was now berthed quay side in downtown Portland, Oregon. Two nights. No duty or watches to stand and downtown Portland literally within a hundred yards of the brow. It was 1980. I was 27 years old. It was my first time in Portland and I was ready for a good “run ashore.” The plan was simple. Get royally drunk and fucked up the first night. Sleep in the next day until lunch. Grab a bite to eat aboard the ship, go ashore, visit the bank to replenish my cash, and then just wander about Portland a bit until the second evening when I would meet an old friend at the Couch Street Fish House for dinner. After that … well … I’d just play it by ear.  With any luck, I’d find myself a quality hook up.

As I said, that was the plan.

So after dinner aboard, I crossed the brow with a shipmate and off we went. It was a different time back then and it didn’t take long to find our first drink. As I remember, it was a nice place.  Actually, it was a quality place. The sort of place that served Tullamore Dew in leaden-crystal whiskey glasses. A place where the evening clientele wore business attire, stopping (and staying awhile) after work for a quick social drink or two. In short, for that first night ashore, it was a place to get started … not to end up.

And so we left after an hour or so. It was summer, the late sun had just set, and out antennas were up. There was live music coming from somewhere nearby. There was a vibe, a feeling that appealed to a couple young sailors fresh from the ardors of sea. Here was a watering hole where we could relax and not have to worry about offending too many people with whatever antics or indiscretions might occur when young sailors and alcohol intermix. Here was a place that felt like fun. In short, here was the place where I was going to get so stinking drunk that I’d have a hard time walking back to the ship when the bar closed sometime during the wee morning hours of tomorrow.

Wait. Wait just a minute.

That’s right. Before walking through the door and committing myself to a night of alcohol-induced mind-numbing senselessness, better to take my bearings so that I would be able to wander back to the ship without any mishap. But that really wasn’t going to be hard, was it? I mean, I had barely walked ½ mile from the ship that night. There were no tall buildings along the river blocking my view and I was able to actually see the mast of the ship from where I stood. So that was it. Once the place closed down and kicked me out, all I had to do was scan the horizon until I spotted the mast. Finding my way back home couldn’t be any easier.

Five hours of hard drinking later and the place closed.  Myself and a couple bar-fly regulars were shown the door (my shipmate had long since left for parts unknown.)  I don’t remember what time it was … maybe 2 or 3 in the morning.  I was sleepy and I could hear my shipboard rack (bed) calling my name, beckoning me on.  And I remembered. The ship was within walking distance. All I had to do was to find the mast on the horizon and walk towards it.

So I scanned the skyline. And there it was. The mast of the ship. It looked close. Hardly a block or two away. Just beyond that building ahead.

I turned the corner of the the building. And there it was. The mast. The mast of the USS PORTLAND Memorial in Portland’s Riverfront Park.

And I laughed. Out loud. For a few minutes. Because sleeping on the grass beneath the memorial was my drinking buddy from the ship. Too funny!! It seems we’d both been fooled by the memorial. And were too incapacitated to go on. So I found a comfortable place in the grass nearby and slept until sunrise.

That was my first night in Portland. And though I don’t remember much of that visit, I’ll always remember that fuckin’ mast.

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What Does the Future Hold for Ceara Lynch?

Sometimes I wonder what Ceara Lynch will be doing in ten or fifteen years?

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No one can look into the future and say with certainty what will happen, but we can take a look at other successful porn stars to see how their lives played out after retiring from in front of the camera.

Lisa Ann

Lisa Ann

Lisa Ann starred in 522 adult films and directed another 53. She is probably most famous for her Sarah Palin impersonation.

Lisa Ann After

The 43-year-old Lisa Ann only just recently retired from porn. She has launched a porn star boot camp to help people who are trying to get into the adult film business and also hosts a weekly fantasy sports show on Sirius XM.

Asia Carrera

Asia Carrera Before

Asia Carrera was a Mensa International member who walked away from a full academic scholarship so she could appeared in 389 adult films.

Asia Carrera After

Now she’s a stay-at-home mom raising two kids in Utah.

Tera Patrick

Tera Patrick Before

Tera Patrick started her career in 1999 and appeared in 130 films.

Tera Patrick After

Tera now runs the production company, Teravision INC and is a millionaire.

Tiffany Million

Tiffany Million

Tiffany Million appeared in 129 titles during her career.

Tiffancy Million After

She now runs her own business as a licenses private investigator.

Mary Carey

Mary Cary Before

At one point Mary Carey was making $300,000 per month doing porn.

Mary Cary After

After retiring, she ran for governor of California twice promising to legalize gay marriage. Now she focuses on comedy and acting and has appeared in a few reality TV shows.

Houston

Houston Before

Houston was the first porn star to receive a $1 million paycheck and auctioned her labia trimmings for $50,000.

Houston After

After retiring she went to nursing school.

Raylene

Raylene Before

Raylene appeared in 456 films during her career.

Raylene After

She is now a real estate agent.

Jenna Jameson

Jenna Jameson Before

Jenna Jameson was once considered ‘The Queen of Porn’ and has won more than 35 adult video awards.

Jenna Jameson After

She started her company ClubJenna while she was still doing porn and is now worth $10 million.

Sasha Grey

Sasha Grey

Sasha Grey stared in 315 films and was the youngest person to win AVN’s Female Performer of the Year Award.

Sasha Grey After

After retiring she has become a mainstream actress, appearing in movies, TV shows and voice acting for video games.
Amber Lynn

Amber Lynn Before

Amber Lynn had a 17 year career in porn.

Amber Lynn After

She now runs a real estate practice and does sobriety counseling.

Ceara Lynch

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What will Ceara Lynch be doing fifteen years?  Will she be living a quiet life in some tropical beachside bungalow?  Running a multi-million dollar business empire?  Living a more traditional life, married with children?  Doing something more mainstream in the entertainment industry?  Focusing her energies on social issues?  Running for political office?

The future for Ceara Lynch is unknowable.  What I do hope is that whatever she’s doing, it will be fun, interesting, and balanced with a life that’s well worth living.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ceara Lynch: Feminist

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.” – George Carlin

Ceara Lynch once mentioned to me that she thought modern feminism had misguided priorities. At the time, I thought I knew what she meant. Turns out, I didn’t.

My Perception …

Funny thing about perception. A person’s perception is usually incomplete; many facets of reality go unobserved, discounted, or outright ignored. And so it was with my perception of feminism. In the 1960’s and 1970’s, I saw the Women’s Lib movement. Feminism was about female autonomy, equality of opportunity, and the right to self-actualize. By the late 1980’s, feminism had become more nuanced The emphasis shifted from equality of opportunity to equality of outcome. Feminism was a zero sum game is which women won and men lost. Then in the 2000’s, I saw feminism become less adversarial, less political, and more personalized. The emphasis shifted from women in the aggregate to the individual. The story of feminism was told in terms of individual endeavors and achievements. Feminism celebrated the success and contributions of specific women, and shined its social justice spotlight on crimes, such as sexual assault and sexual harassment, perpetrated against the individual person.

At least, that’s what I thought I saw. The fact is, what I thought I saw was not what I was seeing at all. I was missing the big picture.

The Arc of Feminism …

Some thinkers have sought to locate the roots of feminism in ancient Greece with Sappho, or the medieval world with Hildegard of Bingen or Christine de Pisan. Certainly Olympes de Gouge, Mary Wollstonecraft and Jane Austen are predecessors to the modern women’s movement. All of these people advocated for the dignity, intelligence, and basic human potential of the female sex. However, it wasn’t until the late nineteenth century that the efforts for women’s equal rights coalesced into a clearly identifiable and self-conscious series of movements.

The first wave of feminism took place in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, emerging out of an environment of urban industrialism and liberal, socialist politics. The goal of this wave was to open up opportunities for women, with a focus on suffrage. The wave formally began at the Seneca Falls Convention in 1848 when three hundred men and women rallied to the cause of equality for women. That Convention produced a Declaration that outlined the new movement’s ideology and political strategies.

In its early stages, feminism was interrelated with the temperance and abolitionist movements. Discussions about the vote and women’s participation in politics led to an examination of the differences between men and women with claims that women were morally superior to men and their presence in the civic sphere would improve public behavior and the political process.

The second wave began in the 1960s and continued into the 90s. This wave unfolded in the context of the anti-war and civil rights movements and the growing self-consciousness of a variety of minority groups around the world. The New Left was on the rise, and the voice of the second wave was increasingly radical. In this phase, sexuality and reproductive rights were dominant issues, and much of the movement’s energy was focused on passing the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution.

Because the second wave of feminism found voice amid so many other social movements, it was easily marginalized and viewed as less pressing than, for example, Black Power or efforts to end the war in Vietnam. Feminists reacted by forming women-only organizations and “consciousness raising” groups. Over time,. the second wave became increasingly theoretical, based on a fusion of neo-Marxism and psycho-analytical theory, and began to associate the subjugation of women with broader critiques of patriarchy, capitalism, normative heterosexuality, and the woman’s role as wife and mother.

Whereas the first wave of feminism was generally propelled by middle class western white women, the second phase drew in women of color and developing nations, seeking sisterhood and solidarity. Feminists spoke of women as a social class and coined phrases such as “the personal is political” and “identity politics” in an effort to demonstrate that race, class, and gender oppression are all related. They initiated a concentrated effort to rid society top-to-bottom of sexism, from children’s cartoons to the highest levels of government. One of the strains of this complex and diverse wave was the development of women-only spaces and the notion that women working together create a special dynamic that is not possible in mixed-groups, which would ultimately work for the betterment of the entire planet. Women, whether due to their long “subjugation” or to their biology, were thought by some to be more humane, collaborative, inclusive, peaceful, nurturing, democratic, and holistic in their approach to problem solving than men.

How successful was the second wave? Many goals of the second wave were met: more women in positions of leadership in higher education, business and politics; abortion rights; access to the pill that increased women’s control over their bodies; more expression and acceptance of female sexuality; general public awareness of the concept of and need for the “rights of women”; a solid academic field in feminism, gender and sexuality studies; greater access to education; organizations and legislation for the protection of battered women; women’s support groups and organizations; an industry in the publication of books by and about women/feminism; public forums for the discussion of women’s rights; and a societal discourse at the popular level about women’s suppression, efforts for reform, and a critique of patriarchy. With these successes, there was a a sense that many women’s needs have been met. The movement didn’t end, however. Rather, a third wave evolved.

The third wave of feminism began in the mid-90’s and focused less on laws and politics and more on individual identity and choices. Realizing there are many different backgrounds and many different ways to be a woman, it challenged the assumption there is a universal way to be a ‘good woman.’ The third wave allowed women to define feminism for themselves by incorporating their own identities into their belief system of what feminism is and what it could become. The third wave challenged stereotypes in the media, words used to describe gender, rape culture, gender expectations, body image issues, institutionalized patriarchy, etc. This wave also tried to avoid the “us-vs.-them mentalities” of the preceding waves; men weren’t the enemy, and women didn’t have some ‘better’ nature that set them apart from men. Rather, men and women were just people. Third wavers tended to think the genders had achieved parity or that society was well on its way to delivering it to them

The women of the third wave stepped onto the stage as strong and empowered, eschewing victimization and defining feminine beauty for themselves. They re-adopted the very lipstick, high heels, and low cut necklines that the first two phases of the movement identified with male oppression. Most third-wavers refused to identify as feminists and rejected the word that they find limiting and exclusionary. Third wavers tended to be global, multi-cultural, and shun simple answers or artificial categories of identity, gender, and sexuality; differences such as those of ethnicity, class, sexual orientation, etc. were celebrated and recognized as dynamic, situational, and provisional. For third wavers, struggles were more individual orientated rather than as a collective group with common grievances. Reality is conceived not so much in terms of fixed structures and power relations, but in terms of performance within contingencies. Third wave feminism broke down or did not recognize boundaries.

The fourth wave of feminism is still a captivating silhouette. Fourth-wave feminism is often associated with online feminism, especially using social media to discuss, uplift, and activate gender equality and social justice. According to the National Organization of Women, the internet has created a “call-out” culture in which sexism can be called out and challenged immediately with relative ease. Fourth wavers more readily presume a point of view that believes a persons’ social position influences their knowledge (called “standpoint theory”) and argue that the feminist movement should address global issues (such as rape, incest, and prostitution) and culturally specific issues (such as female genital mutilation in some parts of Africa and the Middle East, as well as glass ceiling practices that impede women’s advancement in developed economies) in order to understand how gender inequality interacts with racism, homophobia, and classism in a “matrix of domination.” The emerging fourth wavers are not just reincarnations of their second wave predecessors; they bring to the discussion important perspectives taught by third wave feminism. Among the third wave’s bequests is the importance of inclusion, an acceptance of the sexualized human body as non-threatening, and the role the internet can play in leveling hierarchies.

FEMDOM, Feminism, and Empowerment …

FEMDOM is a very nuanced activity.  To the novice or uninitiated, FEMDOM can easily be mistaken as a type of sexual extension for radical Second Wave feminism; i.e., it’s an incredible form of female empowerment whereby a woman asserts her will over a man. Interestingly, Ceara Lynch doesn’t see herself that way at all. She doesn’t think she is inherently better than a man just because she’s a woman. As she says, “It’s just a role I’m playing to cater to men’s fantasies. It’s sex work. I have pretty good self-esteem, but I try not to take this whole ‘princess’ or ‘goddess’ thing too seriously because that would be loony tunes. At the end of the day, I’m just helping guys jerk off, and that’s okay. It’s neither extraordinary nor degrading.”

Clearly Ceara Lynch doesn’t identify with Second Wave feminism. For that matter, she probably doesn’t even consider herself a feminist. Most Third Wavers don’t. And let’s face it, whether a woman calls herself a feminist or not is just an exercise in semiotics. The whole point of feminism is that women have the right to be whoever they want to be. That means they can decide how they dress, talk, act, and (yes) even who they have sex with. Ceara Lynch is a Third Waver. She isn’t threatened by sexuality, avoids the Second Waves “us-versus-them” mentality, and takes a more inclusive global Fourth Wave view towards what she thinks are higher priority female issues.

But as Oscar Wilde pointed out, defining Ceara Lynch is “to limit.” And Ceara Lynch doesn’t allow others to limit her. She personifies feminism not because she’s a dominatrix, but because she’s her own person. She’s an empowered woman.

You Don’t Have to be a White Whale. Be Charlie the Tuna and Be Good Enough.

How To …

A few days ago, Ceara Lynch posted a much praised blog entry about How to Make Money as a Financial Dominatrix. In a way, it’s a companion piece to her blog 10 Steps to Becoming a Humiliatrix. As advice goes, these two blogs comprise the most cogent I’ve seen for women aspiring to make a living in the online FEMDOM/FINDOM industry.

But Ceara’s blogs tell only half the story. Her success is really the result of two factors – the work she puts in executing her business model, and the quality of the products and services she provides. You can have the best business model, put in the hours and the sweat, and still not succeed. Because if you’ve got a flawed product no one will buy it repeatedly. And, as all businesses learn, loyal repeat customers are worth exponentially more than single-time buyers. Repeat customers are the key to success.

Previously in this blog, I’ve tried to examine those aspects of Ceara Lynch’s business that lead to repeat customers. I’ve discussed her business acumen (Ceara Lynch: A Head for Business) as well as some of those traits that make her so appealing (Ceara Lynch: The Psychological Aspects of Her Business, Ceara Lynch: Playing with Men, Ceara Lynch: Dignity and Humiliation.) When taken together, Ceara’s entries and mine offer insight into methods, techniques and perspective which may lead to a successful online FINDOM business.

But I digress.

What I want to write about is not aimed at the aspiring FINDOM. Rather, it’s meant as advice for those men aspiring to be “White Whales.”

Thar’ She Blows …

If you haven’t read Ceara’s How To Make Money as a Financial Dominatrix blog, you should. The blog centers around a graph of a FINDOM’S Effort/Time versus Money. Below is my version of Ceara’s graph.

Chart 1

The Fair Market line is the dark line running diagonally 45 degrees up and to the right from the graph’s origin. It’s the line in which the financial domme’s return on her time and effort is rewarded at a rate established by the fair market. Any transaction above and to the left of that line (the green zone) provides a greater return. Any transaction to the right and below the line provides a return less than fair market rates.

I’ve categorized customer type by where their transactions usually fall. Above the fair market value line are (1) “white whales” whose transactions provide astounding return for relatively little effort, (2) “preferred’ customers who provide excellent return for effort, and (3) “good” customers who provide better than average return for a financial dominatrix’s effort. Below the fair market line are (1) “poor” customer transactions in which the FINDOM loses money but which she may still accept in order to cultivate a fair market relationship, and (2) “time wasters” which neither are, nor offer potential for, fair market transactions.

Clearly if you’re a client or customer seeking to establish a more enduring client/provider relationship with FINDOM, the vast majority of you’re transactions must occur in the green zone of the graph. The more your transactions tend upward and to the left, the more favorable the financial domme will view the relationship. I mean, that’s obvious, right?

Which brings me to the pie chart below.

Graph 2 (2)

 

The above chart shows the relative distribution of customer types that FINDOMS deal with on a daily basis. Well over two-thirds of all transactions proffer less than fair market return for effort, about one half offer no return at all. About one in eight clients are “preferred” (e.g., financial slaves) offering excellent return for effort, and far less than one half percent of all transactions are of the “white whale” type.

What this means is that for a potential financial slave, or a submissive seeking a more enduring relationship with a FINDOM, it’s fairly easy to break out of the pack since, for the most part, the pack is made up of clients and customers the FINDOM doesn’t want.

Breaking Out of the Pack …

So how do you break out of the pack? It’s actually quite easy. Here’s just a couple ideas.

  1. As Miz Lindsay says, “Cash over compliments.” Words are cheap. Compliments are a dime a dozen. Cash, on the other hand, speaks volumes. If you want to move into the “good” client category, give the FINDOM more than her time and effort are worth on the free market. Don’t be stingy. And don’t send the tribute and expect something in return. Remember, what you’re getting with your tributes is separation from the pack. You’re getting noticed by the FINDOM. And that, after all, is what you probably want most.
  2. Credibility is valuable, so don’t lose it. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Even if you can’t do it right away, do it as soon as you can.
  3. Provide positive feedback. A FINDOM’s marketing lifeline is social media word- of-mouth. Don’t tell the FINDOM she’s awesome … TELL OTHER PEOPLE she’s awesome! Positive reviews and positive comments generate internet traffic and web page hits. And that’s what online marketing is all about.
  4. You don’t have to a “white whale. Sometimes being a “tuna” is good enough. Moderate to small tributes done often are sufficient to be noticed and perhaps move you into the “preferred’ category. Many a FINDOM has said they prefer the sub who sacrifices over the sub who doesn’t. I don’t believe that … not in a heartbeat. Sacrifice is nice, but a college kid living on noodles so that he can scrape together a few nickels for his FINDOM can hardly make the same impact as a well-heeled sub sending hundreds of dollars every time he plays. Just remember, this isn’t a competition among subs. What your trying to do is break out of the pack .. a pack mainly composed of “time-wasters” and “poor” customers. Frequent tributes, no matter how small, are sufficient to do that.
  5. Don’t make or take things personally. Remember your FINDOM is in the fantasy-fulfilling business. You should only be seeking what the FINDOM can provide … temporary moments of submissiveness; not a lifestyle devoted to it.
  6. Along those lines, don’t make the mistake of thinking being an “online slave” is the same as being a real BDSM slave. For the most part, the relationship between you and your FINDOM is pretty shallow. For her, you’re a client. For you, she’s mainly someone to masturbate to. Sacrificing is almost always optional.
  7. Respect her privacy. Don’t be a wanker and solicit interaction at odd hours of the day or outside of her regular business hours. Remember, the key is to make your interactions more valuable to her than what she could get on the free market. You want to be an asset to her business, not a burden.
  8. Tip. When ordering custom videos, provide a little bit extra than the going rate. It’ll go a long way towards moving up and to the left on the graph.

Reality Check …

Be honest with yourself and with the FINDOM. Financial domination is not for everybody. No credible FINDOM wants to ruin you, and you shouldn’t ruin yourself. It’s just play after all.

Finally, don’t delude yourself into thinking your online relationship with the FINDOM will evolve into something more real and fulfilling. It almost certainly won’t. The reality is that it’s rare for an online FINDOM and an online submissive to become real time friends. And even if that happens, it’s even more rare for their relationship moves beyond that.

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As always, thoughts, ideas and comments are appreciated.

Ceara Lynch: Kissing Done Right

The research is pretty clear.  Kissing counts.  Kissing, and not speaking or smiling, is the key to finding love.  Kiss well and you may find a partner for life (or at least for the evening).  Kiss poorly, and you won’t get a second chance.

One of my favorite, most detailed studies of kissing behavior was conducted in 2007 by Hughes, Harrison, and Gallup.  The group surveyed a total of 1,041 male and female experts (i.e., undergraduate students) on numerous aspects of kissing behavior.  Here’s what they found.

Kissing is Persuasive.  Both men and women use kissing to decide on a potential partner. Good kissers are more likely to get chosen.  Bad kissing, in contrast, can be a deal-breaker. Good kissing creates and maintains a feeling of bonding and attachment, which is important both early in a relationship and over time.  Good kissing can also lead to arousal and sex.  Passionate make-outs are effective (and often necessary) precursors to further intimacy.

Elements of a Good Kiss.  Attractive kissing partners were found to have good hygiene, including fresh breath and clean teeth.  Grooming had an effect overall as well.  Both men and women found assertiveness attractive in a kisser.  Partners who committed to a kiss, rather than making out half-heartedly, were viewed as better kissers.  Touching, caressing, and general physical contact while kissing was also key to a successful smooch. Finally, kissing with a new partner was evaluated as best when closed-mouth initially, with minimal saliva exchange (especially for women).  Soft, moist lips were preferable; a drooling, tongue-down approach was not.  Over time, kissing could work up to greater “passion” and “intimacy,” with increased open-mouth, tongue, and saliva exchange.

Gender Differences.  Overall, a good kiss appeared more important to women than to men.  The study indicated that women use kissing to judge a date or mate more than men. They are also more likely to use kissing as a way to bond—and to look for kisses throughout a relationship.  In addition, they are less likely to kiss when they feel a partner only wants sex and nothing more.  By contrast, men were found to be somewhat less picky with their kissing partners.  However, they were also found to be more passionate.  Men prefer open-mouthed, tongue-included, wet kissing more than women.  They also seemed to prefer that their partner makes pleasurable noises while kissing.

When and How to Kiss.  Given the research, there would appear to be three main times one should kiss a partner for persuasive effect.

To prove yourself and test a partner – that first kiss.   A first kiss can be anxiety-provoking, but that doesn’t mean one should put it off for too long.  Remember, assertiveness is attractive.  Commit to the kiss.  And don’t forget about hygiene … the smell and taste of your mouth are key to success.  Brush your teeth, avoid smelly food, or use breath mints. Soft lips are helpful, as well, so don’t skimp on the lip balm.

From there, it’s all about the mechanics.  Wet your lips slightly, as nicely lubricated lips are more welcome.  When you lean in to begin a (closed-mouth) kiss, be sure to touch as well.  Hold your partner’s cheek, brush their hair away from their face, and embrace or cuddle as you kiss.  Also, let your partner “lead” the kiss a bit. (You’re judging them and their “style” as much as they are yours.)

A first kiss isn’t the time for a heavy “make-out” session.  It may be heartfelt and passionate, perhaps with a bit of playful flirting.  Only kiss for a few moments (be sure to leave them wanting more) but, continue to touch, cuddle, and look in your partner’s eyes afterward, too.

To connect and bond.  Kissing can make a partner feel noticed, loved, and connected.  This is especially true in long-term relationships, in which kissing can often be forgotten.  When you want your partner to feel good and “like” you, remember to give them a smooch.  The mechanics of a “bonding” kiss are similar to that of the “testing” kiss (hygiene, soft lips, a loving caress, etc.).  Bonding kisses can be lengthy and include a cuddly make-out session, but they can be equally persuasive if they are very short, even just a peck or a caring kiss on the forehead.  In this case, it is literally the thought that counts, because this is about “bonding”—building a feeling of comfort and attachment here, and not necessarily sexual arousal.  These kisses are ideal during “spontaneous” moments, as part of a larger effort to build connection and rapport.  This type of bonding kissing is also important after sex to make sure a partner feels loved and attended to.

To arouse and seduce.  Kissing, of course, often leads to passionate feelings and sexual activity, especially more “intimate” open-mouth, tongue-involved kisses.  If you are “in the mood,” you’ll likely seek to persuade your partner’s libido with a kiss.  Passionate kissing is essentially a progression of the other two types.  All of the hygiene and touching rules apply.  The intensity gets turned up a bit with greater assertiveness.  Slowly, the touching and embracing gets a bit more intense, as open mouths and tongues get involved.  Arousal kissing also lasts longer; we escalate the intensity when we feel our partner reciprocate.  As they become more assertive, we may proceed to kissing other areas (like the neck) and to foreplay.  If they slow it down, we may go back to another type of kissing until they are on the same page.

Still Confused?  Not Sure?

Kissing is not complicated.  If you’re still confused and not sure as to how and when to kiss, then I suggest you buy and watch the below Ceara Lynch video clips.  Pay close attention to how the kiss progresses through the testing phase to the arousal and seduction phase.  As a general rule, pornography is NOT a good way to learn how to kiss and/or make love with a partner.  However, I think it’s safe to say that Ceara Lynch does kissing right … and her clips can be very instructive for men (and women) who lack confidence or technique in the common, but important, art of kissing.

“Get a Room” featuring Mistress T

mistresstkissing
Ceara and Mistress T

“Raunchy Rene” featuring Princess Rene

renekissing
Ceara and Rene

“Dreams Do Come True” featuring Alexandra Snow

snowkissing
Ceara and Alexandra Snow

How I Came to Orbit Around Ceara Lynch

What follows is not the complete me; it’s not the totality of the person writing these words. Rather, it’s simply just one of many dimensions of my psyche and personality.

It’s the story of the addicted2ceara persona. Who he is. And how he got to be this way.

How did this happen?

Some of you may be wondering how much input Ceara Lynch has into this blog. Fact is, she has very little. Before writing each entry I run the proposed subject pass her, more as a courtesy than for approval. Other than that, she doesn’t know what I’ve written until it’s posted. She gets no advanced draft copies, makes no pre-post edits. Occasionally after reading, she may offer a short comment or two, but that’s about the extent of her input and feedback.

Following my last posting, I mentioned that unless she had some other ideas, I was thinking of doing a futurecast piece speculating about what her persona might be like fifteen or twenty years from now. I hadn’t put much thought into that subject and, in retrospect, it probably was just another one of my frequent brain farts. Anyway, she replied that I might want to write about something a little more personal, like the separate lives I lead – everyday me versus financial slave me. Or more specifically, I should write a bit about my persona.

Well that suggestion was a bolt from the blue. First, it’s not in keeping with the main theme of this blog. Second, I really don’t think I’m all that interesting. And third, a persona is how other people perceive you and how could I possibly know that?! Still, I guess I could write about how I wanted other people to perceive me, which is probably the closest I could get to answering the “What is your persona?” question. And who knows, maybe someone might find my story interesting enough to read through the crap I’m about to write. I mean, if Ceara thought it might be something worth writing about, who am I to argue.

So here goes.

But First

Did you ever notice how men describe themselves in terms of what they do or what they’ve accomplished? An extreme manifestation of this phenomenon is the military. If you’ve ever been in the military, you learn to quickly surmise a person’s career and accomplishments by “reading their chest” (those rows of ribbons over the left pocket on their uniform.) Each one of those ribbons means something – campaigns participated in, medals received, awards conferred. These ribbons, along with other uniform devices, insignia, patches, shoulder tabs, and accouterments tell a story. To the lay person, these things are meaningless. To the service member, they tell the tale of a person’s career. Read a person’s chest and the sum of a person’s military experience and accomplishments can pretty much be taken at a glance.

But a person’s experiences and accomplishments are only one dimension of their identity, and a fairly shallow dimension at that. A list of awards, a curricula vitae or resume, the size of their bank account, what kind of car they drive – these things miss the deeper more interesting dimensions that make a person who they are. Things like their motivation, their values, how they think and express themselves, what they fear and what they’ve overcome, their character, their dignity, their compassion, their selflessness, the things that give them joy, and the joy they bring to others. None of these things can be inferred from a listing of accomplishments. None of these things can be deduced from a string of experiences. And yet, the default way for men to describe themselves is by their job, their career, and their achievements. I guess it’s a way of measuring success or, more idiomatically, a way of competing in the dick-measuring contest that pretty much defines male competitiveness.

So, except for a few relevant facts, I’m going to dispense with the list of significant accomplishments and life experiences. Not only are those things not particularly important, but by not disclosing them, I am able to retain a modicum of anonymity. What remains is this attempt to flesh out my online persona using as few uniquely identifiable traits as practical.

Who Am I? (The Short Answer)

I’m retired. Over 60 years old. Have an annual income well into six figures. Not married. No children.

That’s probably enough information for you to stereotype me; to begin to make some judgments. For some, you’re probably not going to read further. You’ve already got me figured out. And that’s fine.

But for those others, I’d like to round out my persona a bit. To tell you a little bit about who I am, how I got here, and what my relationship with Ceara Lynch is all about.

A Moment of Clarity

I can go as far back as you want. Even as far back to my Catholic grade and high school years. I mean, it’s all part of a life’s trajectory, right? Still, maybe the best place to begin is after college. It was 1976. The economy was just beginning to recover from the stagnation of the mid-1970’s, but it was still near impossible to find a job in the profession I educated myself for. I was young, single, and strong, so eventually found work roll-slitting steel on the second shift at one of the few steel mills left in the region. Aside from work, I was mostly bored. I had a few dollars in my pocket every now and then, which was okay because when I wasn’t working I was just wasting time and partying. I lived on Chicago’s south side. It was blues and bars, and the bars didn’t close until 4 AM. Bottom line: I was just another fearless kid too drunk and stupid to see that I headed down a long path to a crappy life. “Loser” wasn’t my name but it could have been.

Late one night I was sitting in my usual spot at the end of the bar, nursing a 12-ounce draft of Old Style and listening to the jukebox. I happened to gaze at the old man sitting a couple stools away and I realized that guy was always there. Every time I came in, he was there. Sitting alone. Drinking. Nursing his beer. And in that moment of clarity, I saw my future. If I didn’t do something, that was going to be me 25 years from now. I had to get away from the booze. I had to shake things up and try something … anything … different. I had to get off that dead-end track to Crapsville. So I up and joined the military.

Pay for Play

My first duty station was Guam. Where America’s day begins. In the middle of the Pacific ocean. 5000 miles and 10 hours by air from anywhere close to familiar. And what could a young man with a few dollars in his pocket do on Guam during his off duty time back in 1977? Well, aside from snorkeling and sports, the main entertainment option was … drum roll please …. drinking. Bars and booze. And blues on the jukebox. Yeap. I ran right smack dab into what I running away from. Funny as hell, and just a little ironic!

And, lest I forget, there were the Guam strip clubs. For a dollar tip or two (or twenty) you could drink and have some female company for a couple of hours. The more money you spent, the more money you tipped the dancers, the better their company. Sometimes I wouldn’t have enough tip money for after hours companionship, so I’d masturbate when I got back to the base. But sometimes I did. Payday was lay day. And I’d get laid. Money and sex were linked. That link was reinforced by alcohol.

I probably should have gotten a girlfriend, but it was Guam, and I was only going to be there for a 18 months before being assigned to another overseas location. Getting serious (or even semi-serious in some sort of dysfunctional relationship) wasn’t something I wanted – I rationalized it by thinking such a relationship wouldn’t be fair to either of us. But more important, I liked playing. I was sowing my wild oats. I was that guy – the one good girls would never dream of bringing home to meet the family.

Though it may have started on Guam, it didn’t end there. During the next 28 years of military service, I moved 15 times. I had addresses in the United States and addresses in foreign countries. The longest I was ever in one place was 27 months. I deployed; I traveled. And I got my shit together. My arrogance-filled youth gave way to humility; humility enabled by the cultures I experienced and the people I met. I met women that I fell in love with, and I met women that fell in love with me. I went to graduate school; earned two advanced degrees; got promoted regularly; adopted the military’s code of ethics, honor, and behavior; strengthened and refined my character; matured; became dependable; and, in short, stopped loathing myself and became proud and sure of who I had become. I gave the military my life, and they saved it.

Somewhere along the line I throttled back the drinking so it no longer contributed to the mental and emotional anguish I had when I was so much younger. I still hadn’t married. (Through all those years there was only one woman I ever wanted to marry but the circumstances of life kept getting in the way.) But the link between casual sex and money endured. There were still strip clubs and, though I found myself in them less often than before, old habits are hard to break. Besides, giving an attractive woman money in exchange for their company and time is much more certain than trying to meet women in bars, clubs, and other traditional venues. It’s not a lifestyle I would recommend for most men, but given my circumstances, it worked for me. As it has worked for countless of other men throughout the ages.

Then came the 90’s and the AIDS epidemic. Casual sex became riskier. ELISA tests became part of my annual physical exam. With each negative test, I sighed relief and vowed to curtail my sexual activities; vowed to find a safer way. That safer way turned out to be pornography and masturbation. The internet explosion was still 10 years away, but video cassette tapes were popular, and adult pornography shops could still be found if you wanted to find one. And I found them.

I gravitated to FEMDOM magazines and tapes. The images and idea of beautiful women with attitude aroused me. So much so that I booked several real-time sessions with now familiar and well-known Dominatrices. In a way it was a different form of the same paradigm I had gotten accustomed to (cash for company.) It was safe in that bodily fluids weren’t exchanged, and it was different. But as things turned out, it wasn’t for me. The fantasy proved more erotic than the experience as I was neither submissive or masochistic enough to let myself completely revel in those roles.

After retiring, I treated myself to a couple of extended travel adventures. When I returned home in 2007 , the internet was exploding. Porn was rampant and I was intrigued. I wasn’t obsessed or addicted to pornography, but I still masturbated when I needed sexual relief. And the internet was like having a porn shop on my desktop. One evening, while looking for FEMDOM images, I stumbled across Niteflirt. The site had a category called “Financial Domination.” I had never heard of financial domination before, but it sparked a line of thought so deeply embedded within my consciousness it wasn’t until years later that I was able to recognize it for what it was. Anyway, financial domination resonated. It was a new twist on an old paradigm, one in which “cash for company” took main stage. As I had grown older, my sexual tastes had changed. In some ways, they became more mature. Financial domination was a perfect storm of appeal for me – it was where money, arousal, dominance/submission play, and virtual companionship collided with all my old sexual habits and desires. As it happened, one of the most striking financial dommes listed on the Niteflirt site was a young woman calling herself Ceara Lynch.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Ceara was cute. And she definitely had that oh-so-sexy-brat-domme attitude I like. But Niteflirt was a phone sex website and I really wasn’t into phone sex with strangers. Sure the photos on the website were compelling enough. The problem was that most of those photos were of professional models. Who knew what the girl on the other end of the phone looked like? Now I know it shouldn’t matter, but somehow it did. I mean, dishonesty is a turnoff and the website was filled with fake profiles. So I didn’t call. In fact, even though I trolled the website often because I found the images arousing, I never called any of the financial domination listings. As I said, anonymous phone sex with strangers just isn’t my thing.

What I did do was purchase a couple of Ceara’s clips from her Clips4Sale studio. I loved how she looked and how she moved. I loved the POV perspective. But the words she spoke, well, they were so far out of my erotica sweet zone that rather than arouse me, they left me flaccid and completely turned off. Turns out that humiliation wasn’t my thing either. Not even close. So I masturbated to the videos with the sound turned off, and ordered some customs from her that catered to a couple of my relatively mild fetishes (edging and tease and denial.) Ceara Lynch was now on my radar. But she was just a blip. I was looking for something more personal, someone more attuned with my emerging financial servitude values which, for lack of a better description, were service with dignity and mutual respect.

So I began in earnest my search online for real financial dommes. The internet was the perfect venue for me. All the elements were there. It was relatively anonymous, easily accessible, I retained control of the frequency and duration of contact, and the time required to establish a masturbation-based relationship with a beautiful woman could be established with generous and consistent transfers of cash. It was my strip club experience (minus the alcohol) with a FEMDOM twist. And it was on my desk top computer and available pretty much whenever I wanted it.

Back in the early years, financial dommes were relatively scarce. The craze hadn’t caught on yet. The traditional BDSM community was skeptical of financial domination at best and outright hostile to it at worst. After some searching, I found another young attractive financial domme whose notion of online financial domination appeared close to my own. It was just play. Edgy but still just play. I decided to give it a go. What followed was a year or two of genuinely trying to establish a relationship. Soon, however, the shortcomings and pitfalls of online financial domination raised their ugly heads. Financial domination was the primary source of the domme’s income, and as her lifestyle evolved, so did her need and her view of the relationship. It had moved from play to a different arena. She wanted a slave, I wanted something much less. Her demands became more persistent. The money I was spending on her was no longer part of my recreational and discretionary income; rather, it was cutting into the income I needed to live on and pay my bills. This was strange and new territory for me and I didn’t like it. I had gained a valuable insight; leaned a valuable lesson. Financial domination may be at the nexus of my sexual play dynamics, but it was also, at its core, wrong for me. As I mentioned earlier, actual submission and masochism aren’t my thing. I’ve no desire to be a slave. I’m a human being with dignity and worthy of respect. So I throttled back and moved on.

For the next two or three years I was in FINDOM limbo. I was still following what was going on in the community (reading Domme Dose postings, following certain blogs and Twitter accounts, etc.) but not really seeking a FINDOM relationship anymore. I joined a couple of Sugar Daddy web sites but they proved a waste of time. While I was only looking for a casual online “pay and fetish play” relationship, the women I found attractive were interested in something much more substantial. After two successive incidents of credit card fraud associated with the sites, I let the whole Sugar Daddy thing fall to the wayside.

Ceara Lynch Re-Found

As mentioned previously, Ceara Lynch was on my radar ever since I first stumbled across her on Niteflirt. I read her blog and infrequently checked her online activities. It was shortly after my Sugar Daddy excursion that Ceara Lynch took her blog in a new direction. No longer was her persona going to be simply another vapid one-dimensional Princess; she was going to reveal more of herself. She was about to become more complex, more nuanced. Her persona was going to have a personality. It was exciting. And I was instantly attracted. Ceara Lynch was no longer a blip on my radar; she had moved herself front and center. I was about to be slowly drawn into her solar system, about to become another lost planet captured by her pull.

I had learned a bit about myself those past few years of online play. Most notably, in addition to my few fairly vanilla fetishes, I liked to be seduced into not very deep and temporary sub-space. Now Ceara’s forte’ is humiliation and degradation which, you may recall, is not my thing. Fortunately, if anything, Ceara is a pro’s pro. She’s versatile and talented. Her tease and denial and hypnosis clips were in my sexual proclivity sweet spot. So I ordered several custom clips during the next 12-18 months. I usually provided a generous tip with each order so that, hopefully, I would make a sufficiently positive impression to stand out from the pack.

As I read more of Ceara’s blog and watched more of her videos, I began to see something more than just pixels on my computer screen. With her “self-outing” in 2014 on Joe Rogan, at the Mystery Box, and online articles, Ceara’s notoriety exploded. She had transformed herself from the earthbound caterpillar to a beautiful, intriguing butterfly. She had taken wing and was flying free. It was exciting to watch the metamorphoses. And I knew then and there that this wonderfully interesting and so-exotic-yet-so-normal woman had captured me. I may not have been thinking of her constantly, but I was thinking of her often.

So I did what I always do when I want a woman’s attention and time. I showered her with money and gifts. I didn’t ask for anything in return. There was no explicit transaction. The money was given freely with no conditions. I was pretty sure once I was noticed and remembered that my innate charm and good humor would endear me to her. By which I mean she would like me.

My Relationship with Ceara

Some of you will find it surprising when I say that, in all these past years to the present, I’ve only spoken to Ceara on the phone once or twice, and then for what was brief polite and non-sexual conversation. I have never Skyped or cam’ed with her. Aside from the infrequent email, we communicate exclusively by Twitter and DM. Any sexually charged communication between us is one way via custom videos. And, to be honest, I haven’t really ordered a custom from her in quite a while (once again, there was credit card fraud associated with the intermediate website that forced me to curtail my activities there.) What I do is promote her videos and business on Twitter, discuss my observations of her  in this website. And I send her money because money has always been part of the dynamic for me.

I’m over 60 years old. Sexually, I’m hardly the man I was even ten years ago. My libido didn’t slow down so much as it ran smack dab into a brick wall. For those who read my blog, I don’t think it’s too hard to read between the lines and find as many observations about myself as about Ceara Lynch. What you don’t know is that health issues, both for myself and for loved ones, now tend to dominate my life. As they say, cancer is a bitch. So for now, until those things are resolved, I write this blog, and nurture my mostly platonic online friendship with Ceara Lynch. Because, even if it’s just an illusion, it’s a pleasant one.

And she makes me smile.